Shame roots her down, even with Derrica's reassurance. She hasn't meant to lose her shit like that, to fall apart. There are months now between episodes rather than weeks, or days, like it had been back on the farm. She doesn't fall into a fury when she fights anymore, but this-

This makes her feel like all of her progress has been undone. She feels just as helpless now as she did on the floor of that fucking barn, and wonders if she'll ever be better. That helplessness threatens to twist in on itself until it's anger, until it explodes out of her like a human bomb. It threatens to catch Derrica in the blast, just as she caught Dina, and JJ-

Ellie's face is wet, her fingers hard on the back of Derrica's wrist, holding on like she's all that's keeping her upright, and forces herself to just breathe. Slowly, she calms.